Support for Gay Marriage

Argue with someone about the legitimacy of gay marriage and you’ll find yourself quickly realizing that, according to all the arguments in support of same-sex marriage, polygamy is okay too. It happened to me, and I’m okay with it.

We’ve finally passed the tipping point.

States representing more than half the population of the US have now upheld gay marriage. Fox News anchors are challenging gay marriage deniers. We are now on the right side of history, and there’s no turning back.

But a funny thing has happened over the past few years as the ‘debate’ over whether two people who love each other should be allowed to have spousal benefits, be parents, and have equal rights.

I’ve discovered I’m a supporter of polygamy.

I don’t want to be a polygamist. I have a hard enough time juggling the happiness of one spouse, let alone multiple spouses, but I don’t have a problem if you want to marry more than one person. I can’t have a problem with it. The logic just doesn’t follow.

Use the rationale those of us who have been arguing for gay rights have used, and just substitute “polygamy” for “gay marriage.”

Gay marriage/polygamy doesn’t affect the strength or reduce the legitimacy of my marriage.

If two/three/four/five adults love each other who am I to stand in their way?

The government has no business in the bedrooms of the nation.

None of those sentences are ridiculous or against common sense, really. Do they make you uncomfortable? Maybe. Is it a lifestyle you’d choose? Probably not. Does it matter? Not in the least.

Just because gay marriage / polygamy is not how you were born, or a lifestyle you choose, does it really mean it should be something we stop others from engaging in?

Watch Sister Wives. Is there anything wrong with that relationship? Wrong as in ‘abusive, destructive, or harmful to the community?’ Does anything that happens in their home have any effect on their neighbours?


They’re all well-adjusted adults who love and support each other and go through the same ups and downs every marriage faces. Now, is it a little odd? Sure. Does it make you uncomfortable? Maybe. Is it wrong? No.

What is ‘wrong,’ anyway?

Now I can hear the gay marriage deniers screaming saying “See! This is what happens when we make exceptions to the one rule! Where will it end!?”

How about we use common sense?

No, adults cannot marry children. No, you cannot marry an animal. No you cannot marry your favorite piece of furniture. No, you cannot marry a robot (although in the future you may fall in love with your OS) But beyond that, if two people, or three people, or five people honestly love each other and want to enter into a contract to bind their love, why should we stop them? If there is no abuse, if everyone in the relationship is considered an equal, if we allow women to take many husbands just as men may want to take many wives, is it an unreasonable thing to allow?

If you support gay marriage, and you should, then you support polygamy. Heck, if you support traditional, biblical marraige, you support polygamy. And that’s okay.

Polygamy cartoon
via Ken Fager

I’m not going to say that polygamous relationships won’t create havoc with child custody issues, tax reform, occupational benefits, and a laundry list of other political footballs. It would be complex and tangled to implement. But if you oppose polygamy on the basis of defending marriage as being traditional, it’s a debate you’ll lose.

To defend marriage as being traditional is to ignore that modern morality has evolved. It is to ignore that the arc of history is bending to equality and tolerance.

If we truly believe that love is what needs to rule the day, then if 3 or more people truly love each other and want to enter a polygamous relationship of their own free will, who are we to stand in the way?


Legalize Polygamy! on Slate

Gay Marriage And The Slippery Slope on LA Times

Images by Sushiesque and Ken Fager via Flickr

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